Your two hearts may beat as one, but on any given day one stomach wants sushi when the other wants pizza; one mouth says, "We need to talk," while the other says, "We need to live;" and one charge card buys a sofa, while another buys ski boots. For all the whims and wants of couples, there is only one family pot. Oh the joys of partnership.

In many relationships, one person takes a more active financial role. Sometimes women gravitate to money management, sometimes men do. That doesn’t matter. As long as you both know where your money is, where it goes, and why it’s going there, AND you both feel that the life you want is supported by the money you have, it doesn’t matter who does what, because you are both working together to build the life you want.

Conceptually, that’s pretty good. So why is it so hard to achieve?

Most couples struggle to talk about money because they simply aren’t having the same conversation. It’s a calculator / paintbrush thing.

The Calculator likes numbers and systems. This is probably the person in the couple who pays the bills, and monitors the bank accounts, investments and debts.

The Paint Brush prefers to keep a general sense of family finances in their head, and makes decisions based on what they perceive to be the big picture.

Get On The Same Page
Ray and June had been struggling with their finances for years. They were seriously in debt and had moved apart, financially speaking. Before they started Money Coaching with Sheila, Ray was in his Calculator corner and June was in her corner. And rarely the twain would meet to discuss finances.

1)   Start talking about what is important  You don’t have to agree on all your goals, but you do have to acknowledge and appreciate your loved one’s dreams and aspirations. Hopefully you will have some common goals, like retirement, but your individual goals are just as important to your emotional and financial health.

2)    Build a financial plan around your goals The process gives you a lot to talk about and the plan itself will guide you both down the same path.

3)  Spend and save your money to consistently support you both. That means you know, and agree to, how much money is for things that you both need (heat for instance), how much is for common goals (travel and retirement), and how much you each can use for your individual goals (singing lessons or a new TV).

4)   Stage your goals  You can’t do everything at once. If you only have $200 to put towards your goals each month, you may choose to allocate it all to one goal. Choosing to achieve one thing before another is ok as long as you both know when your turn will come, and you both work to stick to the plan.

5)    Be a friend, don’t overspend. Don’t deprive your spouse by overspending. If one person overdoes it, the other has less financial support to do what they want. And keep in mind, no one likes telling their spouse they shouldn’t have or do something – so don’t rely on your spouse to tell you when to stop spending – it just isn’t nice.

6)   Don’t hide spending, savings, or feelings. A strong relationship is based on trust and open communication. You may not approach money the same way, but you can learn how your partner thinks about money by listening, and you can help them learn what matters to you by sharing. Talk. Build your trust, and your net worth, together.